Trauma: life in this family!

Today was an extremely traumatic day. It started off fine, regular and then got great even. But then it happened.....a mother's worst nightmare! My oldest (Daniel age 11) had detention after school. 2 days this week, yesterday and today, at the end of school until 3:15, which then I would have to pick him up. Ok fine, he deserved it so fine. It was actually his first time getting detention and here we are 2 weeks from the end of the school year, I think he's done pretty well to this point. Yesterday went fine, he came right out at 3:15, apparently they had been counting down the last minute. Here's the routine, I pick up the younger 2 kids from the Elem. School at 2:20 so instead of going all the way home, we go to the library which literally is right next door to the schools. The schools (Daniel's Middle school and the Elementary), are together (they even share the cafeteria) at the end of a dead end road, and it loops around so you pass the library going to and from the schools. So I take the kids there for about 40 minutes, then load them up, pick up Daniel and then home we go. Not a bad situation, not what I would want for Daniel but still. So I go today to pick him up after being at the library. I park right in front of the school (on time), no Daniel. I wait about 5-7 minutes, no Daniel. I go into the school, after waiting a few minutes at the door trying to get someone's attention. I ask where the detention room is (it changes each day) they get a kid to take me there and he gets a little lost. I finally get to the room, the teacher's back is to me and he's talking with a kid, but no Daniel in the room and after a few minutes there, he turns and says that Daniel never made it to detention. Slight panic. So, I figured that buzzard took the bus home and now he's been home for over an hour with no supervision. He's in big trouble. I race home, it takes a few minutes. No Daniel. Real Panic. I have a kid go to the neighbor's, no one home. I call the church (cell phones do not work because we don't have money yet to pay the bill) Ramon is still there, YES! I tell him what happened, he races home. I notice there are calls on the phone, 2 from the school at 2:50 and 3:00. There is a message. While I am trying to get through the first one (haven't figured out how to skip and the person leaves a 3 minute message!!!) the phone beeps in and its my dad. "Did you lose a son?" he asks. YES! WHERE IS HE???? "He's here with me, a teacher dropped him off." WHAT????? "They couldn't get a hold of you so they brought him here." DID THEY TALK TO YOU??? "No, my cell phone was off because I'm at work." THEN HOW DID THEY KNOW THAT YOU WOULD BE THERE??? "I don't know."
This is when I lost it. Relief flooded over me, knowing that Daniel was safe and with my dad. And then total ANGER took over at the situation. Why did a teacher, whoever it was, take my child in their car? It was not his direct teacher, it was an auxillary teacher (who I will not name). Why did they take them in their car WITHOUT permission? Why didn't they keep calling or keep trying other emergency numbers? Why couldn't they leave him with another person at the school or stay a little longer? Why didn't the detention teacher call the office to report a missing student? Why didn't the office have a list of people in detention and so that he would be called to the curb? Why didn't the homeroom teacher make sure he got to detention? Why didn't Daniel just go to detention? All these things I am so upset about. Daniel was at total fault, totally his fault. He KNEW he had detention. But why are there not checks and balances in place to make sure an 11 year old child gets to where he needs to go? I'm going to be talking about all of this to the principal tomorrow morning. I will get answers or I will not leave.
I am thankful, of course, that Daniel is safe and home in is own bed. Whatever happened in that hour and a half will come to the light and hopefully some policy changes at the school. I am thankful for my husband for being so calm in the storm. He really did step up to the plate. I'm thankful for my church, who got on the prayer lines immediately, and rejoiced in the quick answer. I'm so thankful for my dad, who was there for Daniel. He sometimes works in a different town but he was there today and was willing to keep Daniel till Ramon picked him up without a second thought. I'm thankful that today was Wednesday and I was able to relax at church after everything settled down. I got some great parenting advice from my pastor as an extra added bonus. This could have been so much worse than it was. I'm really thankful for that. Pray that I talk to the school respectively that I would be able to bring things up that may be painful to hear in the right way. That change would be forthcoming because of this. That I would know who is really at fault (Daniel) and not to attack the school when it was not originally their fault. But that changes would be made so that something like this would never happen to another child. Especially not mine!

I Appreciate my MOM!

Happy Mother's Day out there to all you mothers! What an honor and privilege to be someones mom! I am so thankful for this Mother's Day, my husband went all out for breakfast and dinner/lunch for me!! 3 cheese omelet, steak with melted cheese, Brussels sprouts, YUMMY!!!!
I wrote a "poem" or whatever you want to call it for my mom, here it is:

I don't remember the exact moment it happened
But I really appreciate having YOU as my mother.
As a teen when you would listen with both ears,
As a child helping me with all the projects I had
And making it fun,
As a young adult, treating me as such and as a friend
Instead of a big child, even though I always will be,
And now as a mother myself, knowing what I know and
Realizing everything and more of what you went through
Since the day I was born
I truly appreciate, thank and honor you!

I am so thankful for my mother. She is a really fun person, full of life. She has done so much for me, not the least of which is protect me from horrible things and make it fun to be part of the family so that I didn't have to look elsewhere to find acceptance and love. I hope I can instill that in my children. What a massively huge job that is! Can seem overwhelming sometimes but after today's sermon (thanks Pastor Rena!) there's GRACE to cover me. Grace is God's ability to do through me what I can't do by myself. I can't mother my 5 children by myself. I can do it with and through God which is GRACE! Thank you Lord for Grace. I never want to forget that otherwise the weight of the world is on me, this way it is on the Lord where it should be anyway!
I'm so thankful that I am a mother, God has used it to show me so many things about Him. WOW so much to say about the subject of motherhood. For now, I will leave it at that and let it soak in for a while.

I am TIRED!

I don't think I've ever been as tired as I was this last weekend. I started a job working nights 12am to 8am to be exact so it's really working early mornings. I am a dispatcher who calls on alarms that go off in people's homes and businesses. You know, 24 hour monitoring? Well, that's me! There is always someone else in there with me so it's not JUST me. So if an alarm comes in we look at it and 50/50 chance it is just a test or something else that is a no-brainer just run it through and you're done. If it isn't then we have to call and see if everything is OK and if not then call the police. You get the idea, so it's an important job, but it is fairly easy with 5 alarms that come in the average hour and 2 of those requiring some sort of action. So I am really thankful for the job because not many jobs you get paid to read books or surf the web in between doing your job. It's not a lot of money but it's comparable to what I would get at Wallyworld doing back breaking stocking and on my feet the whole night. Thankful? You bet I am!
But last weekend I started this and it hit me pretty hard, plus the monthly "visitor", and BAM was I wiped out! I only got a couple hours sleep right before going to work, I would lay down when the kids went to bed (8pm) and then get up at 11:15, get ready and go. Not too bad but with everything going on that weekend and the monthly, well, you get the idea. I was so tired my head was spinning. I felt like I was made of concrete and it took everything it had in me to move. I've never been so drunk that I passed out, actually, I've never been drunk at all, but I would imagine that the way I felt was how people feel drunk or hung over. It was pretty bad! But this is the only kind of job that I can have and really I am thankful for it!! It's God's way of providing for us as we get "over the hump" with Ramon's business! Oh OK, one more thing to add to this discussion: it is FREEZING COLD in the room where I am. It's one big room about the size of a living room with a couple smaller rooms off them (bathroom with files and kitchenette with files). We could go outside for a minute, but, come on, it is 2 or 3 in the morning and I don't WANT to go outside! So we are in this little room with a million dollars worth of computer equipment and the temp has to stay at 68 degrees all the time. Now, you may think that 68 is nice and everything but when you are pretty much just sitting and can't go anywhere, in a below-ground room, it's 4 in the morning and 40 degrees outside and with 68 degree air blowing down on your head then that is not "nice". I literally wear 4 layers of shirts to go to work. Plus there is a blanket there if it just gets a little too cold. I think there needs to be a treadmill there to warm up! I need some of those Isotoner gloves so I can still type without blowing on my fingers! BUT I am THANKFUL for that cold, you know why? Because it keeps me awake!! HA! Despite the fact that I got very little sleep last weekend, I really didn't have too many problems staying awake. Funny how God works, huh?

So much has happened!!

I'll write out the list:
1. Ramon's Birthday
2. My Birthday
3. Zoe had surgery to remove tonsills and adnoids
4. Me and Ramon were sent out of town
5. Zoe (with the childcare provider WHILE we away)threw up blood, was taken to the ED, and had to have another surgery to stop the bleeding from her wounds
6. She had to be out of school a total of 2.5 weeks
7. The Lord impressed a whole new way of thinking and acting on us.
8. My best friend announced terrible news.
9. I went out of town with our Pastor to a Women's Retreat for 3 days.
10. Daniel has started with counciling.
11. Gabriel had his second birthday.
12. I now have 4 jobs: full time babysitter with a 5 month old, I also work at my church, I am a consultant with All Squared Away organizing company, and now I also work midnights at Secure US as a nighttime monitor of systems. Along with house, husband and children.

I may get to touch on each of these things later, but for now, just know that I am thankful for each of them. They are getting me closer to my destiny than ever before! I have a purpose for my life and someday each of the battles that I have faced in my life will be necessary for me to grow into who I become. Then I will be a stronger and more capable person for what I've gone through. And then to GOD be the glory! Who else could have seen me through some of the toughest times? Who could have kept me steady while staring failure and defeat in the face? ONLY GOD! WOW, am I thankful! So, for now this is a list of all the victories just within the last month, boy, am I excited about what the next month brings!!
Go God!

My Birthday

I just had another birthday and it has caused me to reflect since I am "mid-thirties" now. To some, I am still a baby. To others I have some experience under my belt and being married for almost 14 years and having 5 kids makes me, in some people's minds, an experienced person. I am thankful for the people who think I am still a spring chicken, because I am. I think I've gotten a little smarter because I've learned about more stuff out there that I don't know anything about. But all in all, the more I think I'm on top of things, the more I realize there is so much more to know. I am thankful for the older women in my life who keep me straight and don't let me get a big head even though I may have more children than them for instance. I want to keep my perspective. I need that grounding. I am also thankful that I can offer something up to the younger women. The Lord has brought me so far and if I don't give back then I am not being a good steward of the Father's gifts.
Thank you, Father, for Birthdays. It makes me really thankful that I made it another year and I may have another year to grow.

I am thankful for the Lord guiding me.

So I have been watching the show called "Snapped" and it features women who have snapped and killed someone or attempted to kill someone. I know, I know, not the best thing to be watching and I digress it is not, but I have been thinking that I am not very much different than these women. They are regular women, some college educated, some not, some married some not, some have children some do not. Some are just like me, middle aged, homemakers married with children. But for whatever reason, their minds snapped and they, in a fit of rage, jealousy, anger, or craziness, killed someone. So what is the difference between them and me? I have been pondering that. I have felt things like that to make my blood boil so to speak. I have thought about things that are illegal to do. But the thing that separates me from them is the Lord. Plain and simple. I have the Lord to lean on. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me and take away the thoughts that creep in that should not be there. I have the Lord to hand over my problems to. I have the Lord who says "Vengence is mine I will repay". I do not have to worry about things that happen to me that I have no control over because the Lord is my defender. These other women allow themselves to think about dealing with a situation that is not theirs to handle, it should be the Lord's and they do not allow Him to defend them or comfort them or lead and guide them. I do. I WANT the Lord to guide me in all the ways He wants me to go. I am so thankful for that. It would be easy for me, without the Lord, to fall into this kind of trap. Of course I want revenge sometimes, but sometimes it is not for me to take myself, it is best left to when the LORD wants to defend me and take vengence for me on my behalf. And He will! I only have to relax in knowing that it is the best kind. I only need to trust in Him. Which I do!

I am thankful for my children!

Just a quick note, there is lots going on this week! I have been reading about a family who have 6 children and they ALL have Autism. Can you imagine 6 children and all of them with some form of Autism. Some are high functioning, but others like a 6 year old is still in diapers. It is an incredible story as they all were diagnosed in 2006 even the oldest was 11 or 12 when the diagnoses came. I can get frustrated with my kids, especially when I tell them things and they ignore it and mess things up. It really bothers me. But after reading about their story (there is a video to watch at abcnews.com, too) on this blog http://www.autismbitestheblog.blogspot.com/
I have to think twice about my kids. Tonight, my oldest has tons of homework, he missed yesterday and he has an oral report and a spelling test tomorrow. Well, he has taken it upon himself to fix everything in the house, from game systems to arguements between siblings, and doing everything BUT homework. This has been the better part of an hour. Now, he's telling me he can barely move his hand because he's been writing so much. I got really frustrated with him earlier and had to go to this blog and read about all the things they have to deal with and then go back to my Daniel and be ever more patient. Oh, because he has basketball tonight too, arrrrrggg. But, nothing is impossible with the living God. And on Him I have my trust, in all things. This day shall pass and be only a memory in a few days. God is here and God is there! What a marvelous thing.
Thank you Lord for the problems my kids have, for they could be much worse!!